What's the vibe today . . .

Ask for Help

by Sarah Juliusson

Think back to the last time you needed help as a mother. Did you reach out? Who did you call? How did it feel to ask for help?

We all need help

Truth is we all need help. It was never nature’s intent for us to do this on our own. And yet many of us carry an image of the mythical mother who can ‘do it all’ and the related belief that a capable mother doesn’t need to ask for help. Whether you are up all night with a teething child, feeling disconnected from your partner, balancing work and family needs, or just needing an hour of childcare, the simple act of asking for and receiving help can be anything but simple.

If you don't ask

Many of us hold limiting beliefs about support that keep us from reaching out, such as “I can do it better,” “Nobody else needs help,” “I should be able to manage better than this,” discomfort with the feeling of “owing” something in return, and of course maternal guilt. Such beliefs can keep us from accessing the support we need to parent in a healthy way. The hard thing about support is that for the most part, we have to ask for it. While the occasional friend or family member will offer their help, more often if we don’t ask, we don’t receive. Only through the simple act of our asking is our community able to know how they can best support us.

Giving and receiving

Women who have babies often reflect on how they didn’t understand how important it was to support new mothers, expressing regret on their lack of support for friends in the past. As Madeline Albright so lovingly stated: “There is a special place in hell for women who don‘t help other women.”

And yet women do help women. Many new mothers are overwhelmed by the circle of love, support and bags of used baby clothes that appear at their doorsteps. Too often, however, as the months go by and we ease into life with baby, we don’t ask for help. Take the opportunity this new year to reach out and support a friend, and to ask for help yourself if you need it. The act of asking for help may be a true gift to others who witness your willingness to receive, and learn to ask for themselves as well.

Sarah Juliusson is the mother of two young boys, and co-founder of Mama Renew, offering self-renewal groups for seasoned mothers, and Mothers Unfolding for new mothers and babies. As a working mother, she is forever seeking new ways to expand her circle of support and find balance so that she can give more fully to herself, her family, and the community. To learn more about Mama Renew, visit www.mamarenew.ca. Mama Renew is offering their next renewal group starting Tuesday, Jan. 8.

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Happy New Year to all you wonderful Babyvibe readers. May your 2008 be happy, healthy and prosperous. May your little ones sleep through the night, learn to use the potty, grow out of temper tantrums, and most importantly, continue to be happy and healthy!

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