What's the vibe today . . .

Letting go – the pressure to do it “right”

by Meralon Shandler

The dance of motherhood

Becoming a mother is a time-honoured experience, however, it is also one that is fraught with many challenges and pressures. Some of these pressures come from society, some from friends and family, but many are self-imposed. Herein lies the dilemma – how to gently tell these new moms that it’s OK to not do things “by the book.” To let them know that not everything about a baby (and motherhood) comes in a nice neat package that wakes up at a certain time and falls asleep at the drop of a hat. Some babies will do this, however, I would venture to say that MOST babies don’t. Motherhood, I’ve learned, is a dance. It is a balance of finding out what to do “the right way,” then adjusting things so it fits with yourself and your family.

We are all built differently

Babies are individuals. Some of them have trouble falling asleep (like us). Some have difficulty with digestion (like us). Some take a while to learn to get along with other people – and some never seem to feel comfortable in a crowd. If you think about it, babies are just smaller adults with many of the same issues that we face. Our challenge is to help them learn a way to get along in the world that suits them, as well as helping them to achieve their own potential.

Doing things “the right way”

I know that many new moms are faced with a strong desire to do things “the right way.” They want to have the baby that sleeps through the night, naps well, eats anything, and doesn’t have any health issues – ever! Whose baby is that anyway? It’s OK if babe is not sleeping “well” – he will eventually learn that sleeping is a GREAT thing in life. He will learn that eating is a healthy way of fuelling the body, and that the odd cold or flu is not the worst thing in the world. Parenthood is the hardest job anyone will ever do, and putting pressure on ourselves will not make it easier. Feeling as if we must have control over our baby’s development is often about not seeing the child as an individual. Being conscious and letting go of our expectations is important for that child to develop in their own time. Believe me, they will learn to walk on their own, sleep the whole night, get dressed on their own, and feed themselves!

The power of maternal community

My experience is that mothers need to talk to each other and give each other support (and laugh and cry with each other) because they are the ones who can relate to the issues going on with baby. The power of maternal community cannot be underestimated, and it is with this type of support that new moms can flourish into women who are confident with their parenting choices.

Meralon Shandler is the owner of Mamaspeak, programs offering support and education to new moms in the postpartum weeks and months. For more information visit www.mamaspeak.com.

B.C. archives | Calgary archives

child playing

Illustration by Emilie Vanvolsem

Win a gift certificate!

Just for our Babyvibe readers, Natural Pod is generously giving away a $100 gift certificate. To enter, all you have to do is visit www.naturalpod.com to find out where the Baby Bolga Basket is made. E-mail your answer to prize@babyvibe.ca. Contest closes Thursday, April 26, at midnight. Good luck!

What's the vibe today . . .

Social media . . .

About babyvibe . . .